Saturday, March 23, 2013

13/13 Final Response


A lot of you out there consider me a slime ball or whatever for airing our “dirty laundry” (even referring to me as a gargoyle, which I find quite amusing)…. but are misinterpreting my blog. Believe me, I know what you’re writing.

Put yourself in my shoes.

Imagine you have a child, whom you love more than anything, and whom you’ve been caring for.
Then imagine that whenever your “partner” is in town (rarely), she’s unavailable and only brings chaos and inconsistency into your home.
Finally, when you attempt an "intervention", because it’s long overdue, your “partner” retaliates by leaving the country, and drains all of your (shared) accounts.
You’re then forced to leave your current residence (UK) because you’re visa has been revoked by your “partners” agency.
When you return to your home country (US) and hire council, there is nothing your attorney can do because of "jurisdiction laws"… and can only suggest hiring council in the UK.

Well, this is my situation; I’ve been dealing with this for nearly a month without hearing a word from Arizona. What would you do, or turn to without resources? Someone said it best:

“If he's up against Arizona who probably has enough money to hire an adequate legal team, who do you think is more likely to lose out? :/ I'm not trying to defend him but I can see that desperate times call for desperate measures.. besides, he probably wanted Arizona to straighten herself out and shaming her in public would probably somehow motivate/drive her to sober up?”

Sure, I’ve made mistakes, but my lifestyle changed when Nikko was born… that was the reason I was so intimate about my past.

It didn’t for Arizona, it became toxic, you can’t live like that with a child. And if you've ever worked in fashion, you know it's even encouraged.  

I don’t regret anything I said…. Interpret it as you wish.

P.S. This was funny.  

Wow,  make a lifetime movie about it:

"An American Top Model and her Latino Bottom Blogger"

"Arizona: The Real Long Island Iced Tea" 

"Two and a Half Men: the Arizona Muse story"

"The Pusher's Muse: a story of love, lines, and... lies?"



By the way, I'm not a bottom.... lol, and thank you all for your kind e-mails. 

Thursday, March 21, 2013

12/13 Backlash


I knew there was going to be a backlash when I went public about my relationship and current situation involving Arizona Muse. I'n all honesty, I’ll always care about her, she’s my son’s mother… and for that I’ll continually hold her close to my heart.  

I love my son, more than words could ever express…. But I haven’t seen, nor have I heard from my boy in nearly a month. It’s killing me inside, it’s not fair what she’s doing to us.

I’ve made many mistakes I’m not proud of, and I am not blaming Arizona for everything… you cant naively think I have put absolutely everything on this blog, come on!

I’ve been receiving e-mails, telling me I’m a terrible person, and have been reading horrible things about myself online. The truth is, I’m just TIRED of lying, I’ve been lying for so long, keeping secrets which only make things worse...  and unless all of you are aware of this situation you’re going to think I have this happy, wonderful life, and Arizona is our “Lord & Saviour” but I don’t, and she is not! 

Also, there are people out there who presume I just sucked every cent I could from her… To answer to that absurd statement: Yes, Arizona was taking care of my expenses, but I gave up my career… and it was all worth it, the reason is Nikko. I knew if he were living with me (which he was), he would be safe and have somewhat of a normal childhood.

You can’t think a mother who works at the level that Arizona does, would have the availability to spend quality time with her child. I mean she goes out every fucking night, are you people blind?!?! Seriously, and I’m the bad guy? Most will never understand, we're all so infatuated with celebrity we don't see the obvious!

BTW, I am a great father… I’m the father I never had; the father I always dreamed would be there for me. I have done absolutely everything in my power to be there for NIkko, to be present, and now I'm being punished for confronting her. ... Remember, all of this while supporting Arizona, even though I didn't agree with her lifestyle.

There are a few quotes I came across online that seem to sum it up, thank you for your support. 

You guys are ridiculous. Seriously Arizona's behavior is not secret to 99% of people in the fashion industry. And maybe this is not the best way for Manuel to do things but she’s uses his kid as a weapon, at the same time she uses him to enhance her career. Arizona, the perfect model mom, look at her posing with her beautiful son. Only she’s far from the model mom. Manuel is not allowed to see his kid unless it suits Arizona, while she is off her tits most of the time, yet you guys are making him out to be the bad person here? As for Freja, yeah she really is beautiful. She tried to help Arizona as much as possible. Even agreeing to move to London. But Arizona fucked that up too. This girl is all about herself.”


“I agree with the part about her son. Arizona has always tried to portray the perfect model-mom image, and uses her son in shoots. But yet we all know she parties and almost certainly uses drugs. I don't see Manuel being a dick in this situation to be honest. I just see him as a desperate father who is concerned for his son. If Arizona isn't talking to him, how the hell else is he supposed to get her attention?”



11/13 Arizona Muse - Drugs


Arizona had a breakdown September 2011… I was away from NYC, but she called me desperately, pleading for help. At that time, Nikko had three nannies because she was working so often and trotting him along from country to country with her. She begged me to rush to NY so I could care for my son full time, I was more than happy… I dropped everything and moved immediately.

She had/has a major problem with alcohol, painkillers and amphetamines. I was shocked, had no idea…. but of course I did everything I could to help her… including pretending we were the perfect family. 

She skipped two seasons walking the runway because she was “incapable of being videotaped”, she was literally so out of it most of the time, she wasn’t showing up to work. Her agency NEXT must have been so pissed. We decided to move to London June 2012, to hopefully help change her patterns.

Everything just kept just getting worse and worse. She has three doctors; in different countries prescribing her “amphetamine salt” and painkillers to help her stay thin, awake during long days of shooting, and still be able to sleep at night.

Early this year we had a falling out, she was so paranoid, projecting all of her issues/insecurities on me… I basically told her I wanted full custody of Nikko and I filed a residence order with the courts in London.

She retaliated, left to Paris with Nikko and drained our bank accounts. Also, since my visa was provided through her agency, she had them revoke it so I was forced to leave the UK earlier this month.

I know I’m going to get a lot of flack for this blog of mine…. But Arizona needs help (even her secret attempt to get sober in Bali last year proved to be of no help).

She threatened to sue me for blackmail if I went to the press. Thats not what it's about ... I'm really concerned for my son's welfare. I don’t know where she is, she won’t return my calls and I don’t know who is caring for my son.

Financially, she can do anything at this point… This means surrounding herself with a team of “terrorists” to keep me at bay. My son is not safe in her care, its virtually impossible for me to do anything from America.

I’ve included screenshots of a few conversations we had just before she left to Mustique for New Years… also, photos posted on Instagram during that week.










Wednesday, March 20, 2013

10/13 Shacking Up


While out at Greenhouse, I met a guy (not going to mention his name)… he was really cute. I liked him a lot. We went back to his place at the end of the night, but while exiting the cab, he fell out and broke his arm.  Honestly, it was a little embarrassing… but worked out well for both of us (minus the scar he will have on his forearm forever).

We didn’t go to the hospital until the next day. He needed surgery. I felt partially responsible. Afterward, I had him stay with me until he he was able to return to work. We spent like two full weeks together. I cooked him roast chicken (a rarity, I hate cooking), helped him shower, etc. I took care of him and we started dating. No more philandering for me.

As our relationship progressed, Arizona became more available. Well, we started talking more at least, and shared everything with each other. 

I think the pressure of becoming so big, so fast was really difficult for Arizona to deal with. She wasn’t the same girl I’d met years earlier, she was vacant, hardly showed any emotion, and was proud of the fact she could “deceive people” into thinking she was “sober”, even if she was fucked out of her mind.

I felt sorry for her, but what do you do if someone says they’re happy… but contradicts themselves, always complaining about the work they’re doing?

*PLEASE DON'T ASK ABOUT FREJA... All I'll say is I have a lot of respect for her and think she is quite lovely. She's a beautiful woman, inside and out. 

9/13 My Single Life


I hadn’t been single in quite a while, so I was taking full advantage of it! I had hot roommates, was really connected in the nightlife scene, and because my boss was away most of the time I had a huge apartment in the West Village where I was able to decompress, and have massive parties… HAHA!

Seriously though, her place was the most ideal for hanging with my son. Nikko and I would go on long strolls by the piers, play piano, go to the water park, have lunch at cute little coffee shops, etc. We had the best times there!

I was having fun being single, but deep down I was hiding my pain. I hardly saw Nikko and was beginning to resent Arizona for disregarding my feelings and keeping him from me.

She was so controlling, it was difficult for me to express anything to her… and as she became more recognizable in the public, it only got worse. It was at that time I first noticed she was drinking a lot. There was always an excessive amount of wine in her apartment, which seemed odd since there was a child in the house. She always smelled like booze, but again, I didn’t know what to do, she had so much power over the situation.

In order to feel better about myself, and deal with the situation, I had one-night stands… with men and women. I couldn’t drink much because my job was so demanding, so I used sex as my “coping mechanism”. I guess it helped at the time?